Pasta Noir – literary recipes

Pasta Noir Weekend Literary Recipes – Edgar Allen Poe

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EDGAR’S ALLEN POE’S CROWS’ FEET PASTA

“…take thy form from off my door! / Quoth the Raven, ‘Nevermore’.” The Raven



Ingredients:

For the pasta:

500 grams maccheroncini

A metronome

10 large shrimp, pealed and cleaned.

8 fresh, ripe tomatoes

1 onion.

1 clove of garlic

Sweet basil

Rose petals

Salt.

For the stuffed artichoke:

20 very black olives

1 giant artichoke heart

One live raven*

Rosemary

Pepper

*If your local pet shop can’t procure a raven, any wild bird will do, as long as it has a beak.
Serves 5.

 

Click on the metronome. Grab the raven by its feet and hang it upside down in front of the window. (Never mind it’s screaming.) Fill the pot with water and place it on a back burner for later. Turn on the oven.

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Take the butcher knife. Butcher the tomatoes in halves, then quarters, then eighths, in time with the metronome. (Never mind the red juice splattering and dripping over the walls. You can clean up later.) Begin plucking the raven. If it protests by tapping its beak on the window, chop off its head. (This will also serve to stop its screaming.) When finished, finely mince the meat after de-boning. Add salt and pepper. Chop the garlic vigorously into many small, irregular pieces, then the onion, and finally the olives, but gingerly place the basil on a soft bed of rose petals pre-set the night before.

Take a break. Have a drink.

Place a pan on a flame set to high and pour in a gushing stream of oil. Listen to it just beginning to bubble, then hurl the butchered onion and garlic into the pan. Wait until the resulting sizzle dies down, the onions will sweat, the garlic ooze away its last drops of flavor. Now shove the tomatoes in and watch as their skins peel away from their flesh, curling up and away from the heat. Stir, and wait as the oil and juices mix into a glistening red sauce. Check on the basil to see if it is resting peacefully.

Take a break. Have a drink. Then a nap. Beware of any nightmares the kitchen odors may provoke.

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Wake up with a start. You’ve forgotten to stuff the heart! Quickly, quickly, chop, chop, chop away its extra fat and hard, chewy cartilage and veins to reveal its deep red, er, light green interior, (never mind it’s a vegetable.). Enlarge the opening by pulling, tearing, ripping it by turns, but hurry! The water is already boiling! The pasta! The pasta! Salt the water. Quickly, quickly pour the pasta into the boiling water. Hurry! Stuff the minced crow, olive, rosemary and pepper mix into the bleeding heart. Place in a baking tray and slide into a billowing hot oven for 15 minutes. TURN OFF that gaddam metronome! Stir the pasta, stir again faster, then check on the sweet basil to make sure it’s resting peacefully on the sweet-smelling rose petals.

Now add the pre-cleaned and pealed giant shrimp to the sauce, cook for 4 minutes. Turn off heat and gingerly take up the resting basil and bring it over to pan, and rip it into shreds into the sauce. (Just enough basil, never more.) Mix in the pasta after straining. Remove the giant artichoke heart from the oven and place in the middle of a large serving platter and dish out the pasta around it. Place the raven’s head on top as a nice decoration.

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The real recipe:
Ingredients:
4 artichokes
Chicken broth
Grated Parmesan
3-4 crushed garlic cloves
20-24 cherry tomatoes
Chopped parsley
400 grams of maccheroni
8-12 medium-sized shrimp
Extra-virgin olive oil

Serves 4.

Don’t try this recipe at home. But if you insist on doing something similar, clean 4 artichokes and chop them into 16th’s, placing the pieces into a bowl of lemon ice water to prevent them from browning. Then place them outside-down in a large saucepan filled by a layer of chicken broth about 1/4 –1/2 inch deep, grate some parmesan cheese over top, cover, and cook on medium to low heat until the artichoke pieces are tender all the way through. In the meantime place a pot of salted water on to boil and flavor some olive oil in a sauté pan on low heat with a few crushed garlic cloves. Remove the garlic after 2-3 minutes. Slice 20-24 cherry tomatoes into 4th’s, and then finely chop some parsley. When the artichoke hearts are ready and have been drained and the pasta, (400 grams,) is 3 minutes from being done sauté 8-12 peeled medium-sized shrimp on high heat, adding the cherry tomatoes a minute after. Drain the pasta and mix along with the parsley and artichokes, sprinkle with a little extra-virgin olive oil and serve immediately. Decorate the table with the rose petals if you must. Accompany with a medium structured white wine. Serves 4 people and one raven.

link- An E.A. Poe feast – https://foodinbooks.com/2016/07/25/the-pit-and-the-pendulum-by-edgar-allan-poe/

Ricette Weekend – pasta noir: Edgar Allan Poe

Ricette letterarie – Edgar Allan Poe

“… La tua figura dalla mia porta! / Disse il Corvo, ‘Mai più’. ”
Il corvo

Ingredienti:
Per la pasta:
500 grammi maccheroncini
Un metronomo
10 mazzancolle, sbucciate e pulite
8 pomodori freschi maturi
1 cipolla
1 spicchio di aglio
Basilico
Petali di rosa
Sale

Per il carciofo ripieno:
20 olive nere molto
1 cuore di carciofo gigante
* Un corvo vivo
Rosmarino
Pepe
* Se il vostro negozio di animali locale non può procurare un corvo, un uccello selvatico qualsiasi può sostituirlo. Basto che ha un becco.

Serve 5.

Accenda il metronomo. Afferra il corvo per le zampe e appenderlo a testa in giù davanti alla finestra. (Non importa se urla.) Riempie la pentola con acqua e metterla su un fornello, per dopo. Accenda il forno.
Afferra un coltello da macellaio. Macella i pomodori a metà, poi in quarti, poi in ottavi, sempre a tempo con il metronomo. (Non prestare attenzione allo succo rosso che schizza e gocciola sui muri. Si puo pulire più tardi.) Inizia a pizzicare il corvo. Se protesta, magari battendo la finestra col suo becco, tagliolo la testa. (Questo servirà anche per fermare qualsiasi urletto dal suo becco.) Adesso che c’e un po meno casino, trita finemente la sua carne dopo d’aver disossato. Aggiusta il sale e il pepe. Trita l’aglio con forza in tanti piccoli pezzi irregolari, poi la cipolla, e infine le olive – ma con una gentile cautela agevola il basilico su un morbido letto di petali di rosa che avrai preparato la sera prima.

Si prenda una pausa. Farti un bel drink.
Metta una padella a fuoco alto e versa dentro un flusso d’olio che sgorga. Ascoltalo mentre comincia a bollire, poi scaglia la cipolla e l’aglio macellato nella padella. Attenda che il risultante sfrigolare si placa: le cipolle suderanno, l’aglio perdera le sue ultime gocce di sapore. Ora tira dentro anche i pomodori e guarda come la loro pelle si stacca dalla carne rossa, arricciolando, sformandosi nel calore. Mescola, e aspetta che l’olio e i succhi si mescolano finche non diventano una salsa rossa scintillante. Controlla il basilico per vedere se si sta riposando pacificamente.
Prenditi una altra pausa. Farti un’altro drink. Poi farti un pisolino. Fai attenzione, ormai siamo intimi, ad eventuali incubi che gli odori della cucina potrebbero provocare.

Svegliati di colpo. Hai dimenticato di farcire il cuore! Presto, presto, tagli, tagli, tagli via il grasso e le parti duri, la cartilagine gommosa e le vene per arrivare al suo interno, il colore rosso intenso…ehm, ovvero verde, (evitiamo di ricordare che è un vegetale.). Ingrandisci l’apertura tirando con le tue mani, lacerando, strappando, ma sbrighi! L’acqua bolle gia’! La pasta! La pasta! Sali l’acqua, presto, presto versi la pasta. Sbrigati! Metti la farcita del corvo tritato, olive, rosmarino e pepe mescolato nel cuore sanguinante. Mettilo in una teglia e poi in forno, caldo come l’inferno, per 15 minuti. SPEGNI quel CAZZO di metronomo! Mescoli la pasta, mescoli ancora più veloce, poi controlli che il basilico dolce riposa ancora pacificamente sui profumati petali di rosa.
A questo punto aggiungi i gamberoni pre-puliti e sbucciati nella salsa – per 4 minuti. Spegni il forno e con cautela prendi il basilico e portalo sopra la pasta. Adesso – strappalo a brandelli nella salsa. (Solo quanto basilico serve, mai più.) Mescoli la pasta con tanta forza. Rimuovi il cuore del carciofo gigante dal forno e postalo al centro di un grande piatto da portata e sistemi la pasta intorno ad esso. Posizioni la testa del corvo in cima. Fara la sua porca figura.

La ricetta:

Ingredienti:

4 carciofi
Brodo di pollo
Parmigiano grattugiato
3-4 spicchi d’aglio schiacciati
20-24 pomodorini
Prezzemolo tritato
400 grammi di maccheroni
8-12 di medie dimensioni gamberetti
L’olio extra vergine di oliva
Dosi per 4 persone.

Non provate questa ricetta a casa. Ma se ti ostini a fare qualcosa di simile, 4 carciofi puliti – tagliateli a 16simi, ponendo i pezzi in una ciotola di acqua ghiacciata di limone per impedire loro di imbrunire. Poi li pone al di fuori verso il basso in una grande casseruola riempita da uno strato di brodo di pollo di circa 2-3 centimetri, grattugiare un po ‘di parmigiano sopra, coprire e cuocere a fuoco basso medio fino a quando i pezzi di carciofi sono teneri. Nel frattempo metti una pentola d’acqua salata a bollire e insaporire un po ‘di olio d’oliva in una padella a fuoco basso con qualche spicchio d’aglio schiacciato. Togliere l’aglio dopo 2-3 minuti. Taglia 20-24 pomodorini in 4, e poi tritate finemente il prezzemolo. Quando i cuori di carciofo sono pronti e sono stati prosciugati e la pasta, (400 grammi,) è a 3 minuti circa da fine cottura, saltate 8-12 gamberi a fuoco medio-vivace, aggiungere i pomodorini un minuto dopo. Scolare la pasta e mescolare con il prezzemolo e carciofi, cospargere con un po ‘di olio extra vergine di oliva e servire subito. Decorare la tavola con i petali di rosa, se è necessario. Accompagnare con un vino bianco mezzo strutturato vino. Serve 4 persone e un corvo.

Link: An Edgar A. Poe-feast: https://foodinbooks.com/2016/07/25/the-pit-and-the-pendulum-by-edgar-allan-poe/

 

Weekend Recipe – pasta noir: Mozart’s Vegetable and Salmon Pasta Minuet (263 this month)

Mozart’s Pasta Minuet

“I am happier when I have something to compose, for that…is my sole delight.” Letter to his father.

Ingredients:
300 grams of short pasta
2 medium zucchini
1 bunch of fresh asparagus
1 small bunch of dandelion greens
1 small package of smoked salmon
3 medium tomatoes
2 cloves of garlic
Olive Oil
Dill Weed
Sesame Seed
Salt

Serves 3.

With a small precise knife, cut the zucchini, asparagus, greens, tomatoes, smoked salmon and garlic into tiny little pieces.  Put olive oil into a skillet and heat until it starts to merrily pop.  Add tiny pieces of garlic, zucchini and asparagus to the mixture and using two well-tuned wooden spoons, toss vigorously in the air as they are cooking.  The kitchen should be alive with tiny pieces of vegetable flying all over the place.  Don’t worry if some escape from the pan.  Enough will remain to blend harmoniously with other ingredients.
When the pasta is close to done, add the greens, tomatoes and salmon to the sauce, again using spoons to toss gleefully into the air, creating a quick colorful succession of tiny little pieces bobbing up and down, to and fro.  For added variety and flavor, add dill weed and sesame seed, allowing them to join the lively dance in the kitchen.
When pasta is done, strain and add to the sauce.  Open a sparkling red wine that fizzes and bubbles in counter time as you vigorously toss pasta and sauce with the wooden spoons to mix.  Serve immediately, ignoring critics who accuse you of using too many ingredients. -by Susan Cook

The real recipe: Slice the garlic and sauté in a pan with some olive oil. Add the asparagus pieces, beginning with the stems, then the tips and finally the chopped zucchini. Season to taste. Boil the short pasta, butterfly or penne. When the pasta has only a few minutes left to boil, add the peeled and seeded tomatoes, then the roughly chopped greens, and herbs to taste. Drain the pasta and mix it into the sauce, adding the pieces of salmon and a very little bit of extra-virgin olive oil. Serve with something that fizzles. 





pasta noir recipe – Calvino’s Floating Bucatini for a Winters’ Night (95 years this month)

 

CALVINO’S FLOATING BUCATINI FOR A WINTERS’ NIGHT

“The life of a person consists of a wholeness of events, the last of which can entirely change the meaning of the whole.”Palomar
Ingredients:
600 grams of bucatini
12 small, firm zucchini
24 ‘fiori di zucca’ (zucchini flowers)
3 cloves of garlic
150 grams of Colonnata pork lard

Tomato paste

12 ripe tomatoes
Basil
Salt and pepper
A mix of lemon, lime, and orange rind, freshly grated
Reflective black serving bowls*
Beef extract
Honey
A winter’s night
An invisible reader
*if you don’t have these, you can use pure white ones instead, or bowls with see-through bottoms.
Serves 6.
Reader, step inside the kitchen and look out the window. It’s cold out there, so turn inside where it’s warmer, and go put on your apron. Now relax, set the open recipe book down next to the sink, you’re about to make Calvino’s Floating Bucatini. It’s a good recipe, so turn off your cell phone, you don’t want to be disturbed by any business calls, and go grab a knife. You should begin the dish by cleaning and chopping the zucchini flowers and the pork fat…
* * *
Don’t fool around. Just get the job done. Otherwise G., the author, will cancel the recipe. You don’t want that to happen, do you? So you quickly move your knife into position. It’s dirty work, but somebody has to do it
You look at the flowers resting on the wood. You ask yourself if it’s fair, if maybe these flowers you’re about to slice don’t deserve it. They don’t look like nothing special, so why them? Why not some other flowers? It’s crazy, but you start wondering if somewhere there is a place, like an invisible plane, containing the forms of all the different kinds of flowers in the world, tulips and roses, lilies and daisies, geraniums and violets. And if there is one plane of only flowers then perhaps there is another plane of another thing, of all the different kinds of tomatoes in the world, maybe, and below that another, of all the different kinds of pasta, and so on, an almost endless series of planes from which the ingredients we have fall to our cutting board. Or maybe it’s the other way around, that you, instead, are on a plane above and the recipe here is only an imagined, partial reflection of the real one far below. Then you stop your thinking. It’s time.
You slide the small knife into the unsuspecting blossoms, jabbing across in a circle on the bottom, and pull their now freed yellow flowers away from the heavy flesh of their green stems. The air becomes thick with the scent of the colored seeds as they stain the knife and cutting board. Quickly you wipe the blade clean, move the flowers aside and throw away the carcasses left behind. Now you turn your attention to the pork fat but just as you are about to slice again you hear a small voice from behind. It’s Unaisa, your little niece, and she’s asking you what you’re doing. You fool, you think to yourself, you should have locked the door! So you turn around, careful to stay in front of the cutting board and tell Unaisa you’re making dinner, it’s a surprise, why doesn’t she go run along and play in the family room ‘till you’re done. She leaves. You breathe a sigh of relief and turn around, ready to get back to finishing the job, but upon looking down you realize the fat is gone! Someone has taken it! How will you be able to finish Calvino’s recipe now!?
* * *
“This isn’t good, reader, not good at all. Do you know if G. has gotten his hands on the material or not?”
“No, sir.”
“No, I didn’t think so. Have you thoroughly looked over the cooking area?”
“Yes sir, I did as I was told. But I didn’t see any sign of it.” Of course you did what you were told. After all, you’re just the reader; it wasn’t up to you to actually create the words. But the sergeant knew that already. He was only trying to defend Calvino’s recipe, and was feeling frustrated. Deviously using Unaisa as a decoy, the author must have sneaked in and stole the missing pork fat when your back was turned. And there was nothing you could do about it.
It was then that you had the idea. So what if you were only the reader? Did that absolutely mean you couldn’t create your own words? “Sergeant?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I know where I can find the missing ingredient.”
“Where?”
“Just leave it to me,” you said, saluted him, and then walked out the door of his office. You turned the corner and found the author, a little bewildered, where you created me to be. “Hey, what am I doing here,” I looked at you and asked.
“I put you here.”
“You? But you cant do that! You’re just the reader!”
“Oh yeah!? Well why don’t you try reading this.” You punched me hard in the stomach and shouted, “Where did you put it?! Tell me or I’ll knock your teeth out!” I tried lunging at you but without enough conviction, so you knocked me once more and I went down with a thud. Then you searched me. And in my right pocket, wrapped in some aluminum foil, there was the missing ingredient.
* * *
Fast thinking, reader. Now that you have the pork fat back, you can quickly chop and then sauté the garlic and fresh zucchini in a pan with olive oil. Then you add the tomatoes, a large spoonful of tomato paste, and water, stir, finally taste for salt and pepper. Mmmm, you seem to have done everything correctly, but you’re thinking to yourself that something’s missing. As you’re trying to recall the recipe you hear the phone ringing. Go pick up the receiver. “Hello,” you say.
“It’s me,” the voice on the other end replies, “Calvino. Did you remember to include a dash of honey and some beef extract?” Ah, so that’s what you forgot! You’d better add some to the sauce. Then, once the bucatini are close to being cooked, al dente of course, add the flowers and mixed citrus rind, turn off the heat, and add some good extra virgin olive oil and the basil. Then mix it all together when the noodles are ready and lay transparent-thin squares of the pork fat on top.
* * *
Reader, you’re still here? You’ve almost finished reading the recipe. I’m certain of it. I wrote 5 sections and you’re on the 5th. Count them! I congratulate you on thwarting my attempt to ruin Calvino’s recipe. It looks like you’re going to make a fine dish. So you might at as well stay for the plating.

The windows of the kitchen are foggy now with the steam that has condensed on them while you were cooking. It’s almost 8:30, time for dinner. You take the big serving dish out into the dining room where everyone is waiting. As you serve out the pasta, you notice that the sauce is slightly watery. It’s supposed to be, making the noodles appear to float just above the reddish pools of sauce beneath. And since the individual bowls are translucent black, the reddish pools themselves also appear to float in the bowls above the blackness as if hovering over a void. You sit down at the head of the table. Then you twirl some of the bucatini onto a fork to taste them. After swallowing you realize ‘Hey, I’ve just eaten some of Calvino’s floating bucatini!’

The recipe: (see the 4th section of this recipe) Put a large pot of salted water on to boil. Chop the zucchini and sauté in a pan with olive oil that’s already been flavored with a clove or two of lightly crushed garlic. After a few minutes add the beef extract, then the peeled, seeded and diced tomatoes. Mix. Then add a spoonful of tomato paste, stir and add water as needed and finally add a dash of honey. When the bucatini are nearly done add the roughly chopped zucchini flowers to the pan, then the grated lemon and citrus rind, turn off the heat and add the basil. Drain and add the pasta and lay some transparent-thin square slices of the pork lard over top. Serve warm and accompany with a medium-structured red or white wine.


link – Calvino, food and senses. http://htmlgiant.com/random/italo-calvino’s-“under-the-jaguar-sun”-cannibalism-and-all-consuming-love/



Pasta Noir. It’s free, it has real recipes, and it may be the only recipe book with bloopers…..download ebook:https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B85ReGrWCxe8UlhQMEFTa3EzU1U/view?usp=sharing

weekend recipe: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Summer Pasta Salad (123 years this month)

imgres“I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.” The Great Gatsby

Ingredients:

Jazz*

Scotch, Champaign and various other liquors*

New York*

Paris*

Summer*

A country house with a back porch*

A beautiful, young, rich girl*

1 grilled chicken breast

200 grams of butterfly noodle pasta

4 tomatoes, peeled and seeded

Two eggs, hardboiled

Extra-virgin Olive Oil

Thyme, basil, salt and pepper to taste

*ingredients 1-7 are optional

Serves …1

Pasta is different from you and me. The pure water and hard flour from which it solidifies and strengthens itself allows it to retain its pure form longer than we do. It suffers no past to which it yearns to return, needs no love to sustain it, and in its dry, ever waiting-to-be-boiled state becomes neither compromised nor unclean as some food products do, like, say, peanut butter, yeah, like peanut butter, ya’ know how it kinda’ tastes like milk and coke after it’s been open in the fridge too long? Uhh, anyway.

Only an essential, clean sauce can complete an elegant pasta dish as a purple-hued cloud can complete a glorious summer sunset. Not a vulgar sauce like, say, one made with Italian meatballs, those shiny, dirty round mounds of grease that sit glistening on the top of Little Italy restaurant displays calling out to passing Midwestern travelers like sirens to Odysseus’ crew. This dish is closer to the essence of pasta and for that reason I recommend you use only the finest ingredients, Martelli butterfly noodles, the most virgin of Tuscan olive oils, and free–range Connecticut chicken. (Avoid those of New Jersey, as they are often unclean. I know Hemingway thinks such differences are pretentious and without significance but he puts ketchup on his hotdogs. Ketchup. Hotdogs. ‘Nough said.)

The preparation itself is very easy. Rent the largest summer country estate available. Then organize a party, inviting as many notable people as you can, (a number of Yale men is essential on such occasions,) but before they arrive make sure you’ve stocked the house with plenty of Scotch, Champaign and any other drinks that might come to mind. Hire a 7-peice jazz band to play throughout the evening and a good caterer to set up a grand buffet of tomato sandwiches, smoked salmon and salmon-egg crostini, an assortment of fresh clams, oysters, crab legs, etc.

Meanwhile on the small back porch quietly begin preparing a meal for two. Simply mix together all the ingredients that you earlier instructed the catering staff to prepare and leave on a table not too far away. Then go upstairs and change into the most gorgeous rags you have. Return. As the half-moon begins rising over the silhouette of trees on the other side of the bay turn on the porch light. Wait. Light a cigarette. Have some scotch. Pine. Repeat the process many times as the pasta salad becomes increasingly dry and hard, losing the magic suppleness and delightful flavor it once had in the beginning, so long ago.

At around 5am when the last of the guests have gone slide out of your clothes and put on some sweats, dish out some of the now cool, indifferent pasta salad, grab a beer from the fridge and plop yourself down on the couch in front of the tube. (She must not have seen the porch light. Or maybe she didn’t understand. Or maybe…ah, screw it. Turn on the cooking channel. Great. An Iron Chef rerun. Life sucks.)

The next morning go online. Do a Google search for cheap flights to Europe. Go to Paris for 5 years. Call Hemingway first and see if he’d like to come along. When you get back try throwing another dinner party. Maybe sushi next time…yeah, sushi, that’s it, if only I’d a made sushi….

 

 

The real recipe:

1 chicken breast, grilled

4 quail eggs, hardboiled

EV olive oil

salt and pepper

12 sicilian date tomatoes

2 small sticks of oregano

8-10 basil leaves

oil to fry

1 red garlic clove

180 grams of butterfly pasta


serves 2

Slice the tomatoes in half, sprinkle with salt and oregano and put them in an oven for about 5 minutes at about 200 degrees (C.), then 5 more at about 160. Remove and let then chill. Do your usual grill on the chicken breast (you can marinade or sweeten with honey or just brush with oil and sprinkle with salt flakes and fresh ground pepper, ecc.) Let the meat gather its juices once cooked. Boil the quail eggs for 2 minutes in barely boiling water, then remove and chill immediately in cold water. Clean and dry the basil leaves very well, then fry them in oil (I use olive oil, it doesn’t take much of it) rapidly – careful not to burn. It takes… not more than 20 seconds or so.  Boil the butterfly noodles, drain. Slice the cooled chicken into bite-sized cubes, then gently mix all the ingredients except the basil in a bowl with olive oil, salt and pepper and herbs to taste. Before placing the ingredients into the bowl rub it as well as the individual serving bowls with fresh garlic – just slice the clove in 2, lightly crush. Once plated, place the fried basil on top. Serve lukewarm with a medium-structured white wine. Or the Champaign.

link- mint julep, Gatsby’s drink (even if we don’t agree with the blogger on some points )-https://foodinbooks.com/2016/05/08/the-great-gatsby-by-f-scott-fitzgerald/

link- cole porter, night and day:

 

Food: Pasta Noir – MARY SHELLY’S MONSTER LASAGNA

“I beheld the wretch – the miserable monster whom I had created.” Frankenstein
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Ingredients:

For the pasta:

A pipe organ

600 grams of egg Lasagna noodles

A dark and stormy night*

13 tomatoes genetically spliced with Black Angus DNA

Blood-curdling laughter

Extra virgin olive oil

Salt & pepper

1 Onion

*I mean a really, really, really dark and stormy night.

For the Béchamel sauce:

50 grams of flour

50 grams of butter

1/2 a liter of whole milk

50 grams of Parmesan Cheese

Serves 6

Wait for a massive thunderstorm. After peeling and seeding the tomatoes put them in a metal pot and hoist them up the tower and under the lightning rod you pre-installed on the roof. As you wait for them to be repeatedly electrocuted, hammer some dissonant chords on the organ. And laugh hysterically, like this: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Have a kitchen helper chop the onions, boil the noodles, and prepare the Béchamel sauce. (Best if he’s kind of short, hunched-back and scary lookin’.) Have him call you master. Then have him pull the electrocuted beef-tomatoes down from the roof. Be sure to laugh again. (HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!) On the 5th‘HA!’ you notice something moving, ever so slightly, on the rim of the smoldering metal bowl. It’s the tomatoes! They’re alive!

Tell the kitchen helper to kill them. They fight back! They unionize! No-o-o-o-o-o! Run, run, run for your life! After you’ve calmed down, go back into the kitchen and try to negotiate with the tomatoes. Ask them, “Hey Dudes, what’s the problem?” They say they won’t be taken advantage of like Lugosi was. They want 10% of the gross, non-negotiable, 10% of the merchandising royalties, and triple pay for the sequel. Plus full health and dental. Call up your lawyers and tell them to work it out. You think to yourself it’s time to take a long vacation. You’ve always wanted to see Alaska.

The recipe: Boil some lasagna noodles in salted water. After straining, alternate the cooked noodles in an oven pan with some ragu, (see Joyce’s ragu,) or anything else you have in mind, seafood, sausage, a vegetarian sauce, etc. Mix the ingredients for the béchamel sauce and pour it over top into the pan. Place the pan in a hot oven for 30-40 minutes. Or just order a pizza, open a couple a’ brews, plop in an old Frankenstein flick, sit back and chill.

link- Mary Shelly: https://interestingliterature.com/2015/08/30/five-fascinating-facts-about-mary-shelley/

…and, of course:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyU99BCNRuU

Cervantes’ Quixote Chorizo Spaghettoni – (by Susan Cook-Ab.)
“With the bread eaten up, up breaks the company.” Don Quixote

 

Ingredients:
A field of tomatoes (10-12)
A horse and armor
One lance
Sancho Panza
2 Garlic cloves
Parsley
Salt and pepper
100-150 grams of Chorizo salami
500 grams of spaghettoni

Serves 5.

Have Sancho gather garlic and assorted herbs from the countryside before shining your armor at night. Make sure Rocinante gets plenty of rest so he is ready for battle in the morning.The hardest thing about making pasta is subduing the wild tomatoes. It is best to catch them at dawn when they are still sleeping on the vine, but even so, they will put up a fight, so be prepared.
When Sancho dresses you in your armor be sure it is securely attached.  Once he has helped you mount take up your lance and move quietly towards the tomatoes. Remember to put your visor down before charging. Tomatoes squirt a poisonous liquid that burns your eyes. Give Sancho a knife to protect himself as he moves behind you to gather the wild tomatoes you slay.
The battle will appear easy at first but soon the tomatoes will start launching their poisonous fluid and pulling at your lance, trying to dismount you. Don’t fall off your horse! If you fall, the tomatoes will swarm! Call constantly to Sancho, asking if he has gathered enough slain tomatoes for the pasta. It is best to get in and out quickly, so once he has retreat immediately.
Make sure Sancho uses gloves when he undresses you after the battle, as your armor will be covered with deadly venomous liquid, which is also red and difficult to distinguish from blood. As Sancho cleans your armor and makes the pasta, count the dead and consign all the details of your glorious victory to paper while they are still fresh in your memory. Don’t forget to write a poem dedicating your victory to your lady. Sancho will make sure it gets delivered.

 

The recipe: Boil the spaghettoni in abundant salted water. Dice the chorizo into very small cubes and sauté in a saucepan until lightly browned then add the chopped garlic. Once the garlic is clear add the peeled, seeded and chopped tomatoes and season. Cook for 5-6 minutes on medium heat, add the parsley and a few drops of olive oil and pour over the pasta. Serve with a decent Rioja.

link- Cervantes on food – http://www.azquotes.com/author/2661-Miguel_de_Cervantes/tag/food


Pasta Noir. It’s free, it has real recipes, and it may be the only recipe book with bloopers…..download ebook:https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B85ReGrWCxe8UlhQMEFTa3EzU1U/view?usp=sharing

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